I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I touched a dick in church today
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
