I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Randomize
