did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize