I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
