The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
