This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
