I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
