Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
