so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
