Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
