Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
