I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
