i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
