I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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