Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
