what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
