Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
