My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
