i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
