life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
