Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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