After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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