just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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