I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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