dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
