do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
