SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
