Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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