Don't you send me to vm
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Come on in and take your pants off
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
