So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
