i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
