I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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