i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize