he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
