In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Terrible idea I love it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
