it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize