i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
