Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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