hotel room ftw
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize