forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
