There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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