hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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