I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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