no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
