dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
