I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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