ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
