He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
