dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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