I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
