his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i will never coherently bang her
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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