fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just cut my nipple shaving
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
