i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
