I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
