I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
