Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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