there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My balls are so social today.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
