my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
