sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
