so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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