we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
