What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
