is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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