i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Do vagina's smell?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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