How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize