Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
