she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I am one with the molecules
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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