Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize