she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
