if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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