i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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