I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
