I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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