If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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