3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I love having hate sex.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
