and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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