Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
