It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
