break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
