If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
