watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
