erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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