Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Success! We fucked roommates!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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