Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
