he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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