So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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