Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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