Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
