Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
