I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize