went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
