1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
