I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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