Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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