People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
