my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
