he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
