my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
