U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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