The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
