In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
how does that bad decision feel?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
