Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
