Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
